Strange how things can pick you up and shake you just when you think you are in charge of it all, isn't it? This last couple of weeks was a little rough, (hell, who am I kidding the last couple of years have been an endurance test!) but the tail end here, especially. The perfect storm of life events that just kind of make you feel like you are sliding in socks on a hardwood floor; out of control and almost crashing, hoping like hell you don't,a little bit of a rush but terrifying at the same time. Some of it has not been pretty, some of it, has been completely amazing. None of it was anything I expected, and most of it, was not anything I had a choice about. (And the ones I did I didn't handle well!)
The biggest thing? The gift of coming out of it all with more than I went in with. I've learned things like I just took and advanced intensive class on life. At 43. Who knew. For the first time in a long time I have that just cleaned out the closets feeling. Stripped down and bare, the kind that makes you feel like you want to scream SHUT THE DOOR SHUT THE DOOR! but at the same time when it's all gone, and you make room for new things, you feel sort of brand new.
Life doesn't always give us the opportunity to shove ourselves forward like this, and it's usually in a way we'd prefer it not to happen. However the gifts we can give ourselves are the most important of all. Looking at things as they are,looking at people as they are, sometimes letting the pain of a difficult situation burn out things that don't belong, taking the lessons that life and people give you and really accepting them, even if it's something we didn't think we wanted to learn. And making sure everything we put back in that nice clean space is worth accepting.
I'm looking forward to the coming year. No matter what comes. I'm hoping for some very positive and long time coming (like...life long!) dreams to be realized, and who knows what else will come. Whatever it is, positive or negative I know I will learn from it, and I know I've deemed myself worth accepting whatever gifts life gives, whether they come looking like a pretty wrapped package or a pot hole, I know I'll walk away with something new.
To my family and friends and everyone, I hope your gifts in life for the coming year are amazing, and thanks for what you've brought to mine.
Love to you all;
Caprice
Caprice,
ReplyDeleteI think life is like that slide on hardwood, sometimes it's scary as hell, othertimes it so much fun you just have to grab hold. Unfortuneately, too often it's that crash when you lose your balance and your ass hits the floor! But guess what? We get back up, huh? And much, much smarter!
You're one wonderful person. Strong. Bold. Curious. And willing to try! That's so damn special and you should never, never sell yourself short on that!!
Best wishes for ALL your wishes and dreams for the New Year
Awww...you're gonna make me cry Billi!! You, are an amazing friend, and don't sell yourself short either. You have made it this far, and you keep on going. We'll get there, and hopefully be there to see each other do it!
ReplyDeleteI hope your 2010 brings you lots of peace of mind and good new things that rock your world! (In a GOOD way!)
Caprice
Life is a spiral, you know that Caprice. A never ending curve of learning, experiencing, and listening to our soul. It can take some very unusual turns, often ones that we did not at all expect, some we expected but that came up as we crashed after sliding across that slippery floor, a little sooner than we thought they would.
ReplyDeleteWe always come out of every experience with more than we went in with, be that an immediate positive feeling or an apparently negative one that we don't yet understand the reason for. But there is a reason for everything that happens. I love you my wonderful daughter, and am blessed to have you for my best friend.I admire you.