So did you think I meant your cat, or did you 'get it'. There is a distinct language in romance writing when it comes to the naughty bits, and believe me there is mucho discussion between writers over what works and doesn't work. Sad to say yes, we read things that are out there and sometimes cringe, sometimes laugh, and sometimes just do the 'wtf?' head shake. And occasionally I read something I wrote and wonder, what, the hell, were you thinking?
Shaved kitty does not mean go round up your cat or the local cat lady's favorite feline and give it a go with your Wahl hair clippers. It means, in polite romance sex language, is your pussy bare? I admit for the longest time, the "p" word as we call it made me cringe every time I wrote it. It's a very common and not impolite word in the romance genre, because, well let's face it, when you start using clinical words like vagina and penis, it just does not evoke hot and steamy. Most of us in the world of more erotic romance are well versed in the uses of 'cum vs. come' or how to pepper our down and dirty scenes with a variety of descriptions. You can only have so many cocks in your paragraph, you know.
You might think it's fun to figure out ten ways to describe the male anatomy, but really, do you know how hard it is to figure out that many ways to describe his dick in a complimentary, and not comical way? It's not as easy as you think! Same for the women, which I again, admit, I have a bit of trouble with. We all know the "C" word is just forbidden. I mean, if you read / hear the word cunt come out of my vocab it is NOT because I'm trying to get you hot and bothered. Sadly, most of the descriptions I find from the '101 ways to say vagina' list just make me laugh. Which brings me to...
Wow, really? Love stick, velvet rod, snatch, box, nether lips. Yep, all in print. The ones that still evoke an 'EWWWW!' when I see them are oozing and pussy juice. Umm, just ick. I want to lose myself in the story when I read, and if you are reading mine. I am pretty sure all of those words are going to break me right back into reality as I read them and throw up in my mouth.
I've cataloged the bad side of this process because, well, we all have tons of excellent examples of how it's done right. Which is what I aspire to and why you will never read the words 'pussy juice' in my work. If you do come and find me and smack me on the back of the head and ask me "What, the hell, are you thinking?" then smack me again for good measure!
Ta til next time when we discuss all the weird things I learned at Lori Foster's Reader Author weekend. SO much fun!